NEW friends and 16 yr old

[MomInFLA]

My son is 16 and in 10th gr. He has been asked not to return to a Catholic School because he made a website against a teacher he didnt like and the school found out about it. (no violence or threats just mean and hurtful comments) We registered him with the zoned high school and he started hanging out with a whole new group of kids. I suspect MJ He comes home smothered with deoderant or cologne to mask the smell. He has come home drunk twice. Has a gf who is a senior and a delinquent (IN JDC already) and he started skipping class and ran away after school one Friday. We called police and he was in touch with us and came home at 9:30 that night. He is talking about sneaking out during the night (overheard conversations) and is just not the same kid that used to smile all the time. He acts like his friends are GODS and we are nothing to him and has the attitude that we cant do anything to him. We already took away all driving priveliges and he has no cell phone. He breaks curfew by an hr each time he goes out refuses to be part of our family. This is all new to us. One month agao he was fine. Im suspecting these kids are not a good influence and he is rebelling about everything. I have three older kids that went through similar issues but I Always believed they would come back as long as I stayed as close as possible and didnt give up. Im feeling so hopeless but I am reading the book now adn it is helping me. I just want to get him safely through these next two years

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
As I think you may have learned before, the "bad" friends are not the issue, but they are a reflection of the real issue inside your son, whatever that might be. The book may answer a lot of questions for you, but you already knew the primary goal: to stay close to the heart of your kid as he goes through whatever this is. Do NOT believe his cold rejections of you as saying that he wants you out of his life. Keep calmly and lovingly sidestep these, saying that you love him and are worried about him. Until you get involved with a therapist, keep saying your rules but avoid the takeaways. As you've seen, they don't work with a kid in heavy rebellion, and often just provide more reasons to create chaos. Rather, set rewards he can earn when he does comply with curfew, etc.

I would get the family involved with a counselor yesterday. The book explains how to sell your son on this idea. For yourself, try and recall the previous battles you've been in with your other kids. Remember that when you're in the middle of a bad month, it feel like the end of the world. But the fact that things were OK up to a month ago suggests that this will be a short-lived jailbreak, if Mom and Dad can keep their cool and not overreact (so easy to say, so hard to do, but nevertheless true.)

Hang in there, and keep us posted.

[MomInFLA]

Dear Dr Mike
Thank you for your reply. Today and yesterday were great days (he has a cold and feels sick) so he isnt asking to go out and hang with his friends. I made him chicken soup and tea and giving him some pampering that I was not able to even come close to doing a week ago. He even said Thanks Mom! I am enjoying these past two days tremendously because I know that it is just a little break that I very well needed to stay sane. I am going to get counseling for us so we can learn the new way to communicate with teens and stay close even through the most trying times. I believe in him and I will stand by him reminding him that we love him dearly. I do remind him that he is very smart and I know that he is smart enough to know right from wrong. Hopefully this is going to be short lived :-) Will keep you posted Thank you again Im enjoying and recommending your book to all of my friends just entering this maddening period of their lives.