Weed binge before college?

[regina]

Hi Dr Bradley,
We had a few good months with our 17 year old son. He cut his smoking way down, graduated on time and got a summer job. Two weeks ago he cashed his pay checks and we began to see signs of marijuana use again. He just told me that he is out of cash, which means he has gone through two hundred dollars in two weeks and he has not bought anything that we can see. Of course he denies any weed use but refuses to take a drug test. He is planning on cashing another check tomorrow.
He has been going to a lot of "going away parties" for friends who are leaving for college. He is due to leave in two more weeks himself. We have told him that his summer money is his spending money for college, and we are not planning on giving him any, as we are paying the lion's share of his tuition. I suspect that he has been buying weed, and he sees this as some kind of last fling before college. What is your advice?
Regina

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Regina,
Going away pot parties are epidemic this time of year, so your instincts might be right on. You might want to chat with the other parents (if you know them) to see if they share your concerns. Keep in mind, many parents see nothing wrong with drug use and many even smoke up with their kids
Because of his history, I think I'd have a "one-way" conversation with your son saying that your assumption is that he's using, and that you do not want a response from him, just a "listen." Tell him that he can avoid the whole discussion by taking and passing a drug test, for which you would pay him $100 (a lot of college spending money). If he still refuses than say "OK. Then my assumption must stand."
Then ask him to ask himself if he worrys about playing with dynamite here since he had used so heavily before, and that using prior to college (even if he can stop) is a lousy idea because of all the academic side effects. Plus, he likely increases his attraction to drugs for when he hits the stress of that academic boot camp called college.
Beyond that I'd likely shut up and stick to the "no spending money rule." That can also be a great teacher about the relative value of marijuana. Hopefully, this will be a short-lived fling.
Good luck and please keep us posted.