Another problem with my extremely overprotective parent
My mother is still that same overprotective psycho that she was when I posted my last topic, and now she has taken it to a new level. I have started driving, and I have taken several lessons with an instructor and I am very comfortable on the road now. I asked my mom if we could drive today, and she said "Okay, we'll find a parking lot." I responded that I was past parking lots and I would only gain experience by driving in the streets and she instantly got mad and screamed "YOU'RE NOT DRIVING ANYWHERE WITHOUT THAT BRAKE!" By "that brake," she was referring to the brake on the instructor's side in a driving school car. I informed her that my instructor has only had to use that brake a few times when I was first starting out, and never uses it anymore. We argued and I finally agreed to go with her to a parking lot. After I drove around pretty aimlessly and did several three point turns along with backing up 50 feet and whatnot, I thought I had proved to her I could drive. I finally convinced her to let me drive down one street. It was a one way with no cars in sight. I drove down the street very slowly and she was absolutely terrified. I could hear her breathe literally. I pulled over and I told her that I wanted to drive around the city now for practice and she once again yelled at me cause I need to "drive with a professional." Even though iI drove excellently and my instructor told me I'm 100% ready, my mom I guess is under the impression that I am doomed to violently crash if I drive down a straight road with no cars because "she doesn't have a brake on her side." This has increased my dislike of my mom since my last post displaying her overprotectiveness. I am going to explode soon and I cannot take this anymore. I see my friend who had his father teach him how to drive standard and all my other friends who's parents are not afraid to drive with them and I become angry. I can tell my mom dreads the thought of me getting a drivers license because it is another step closer to freedom that apparently she does not want me to have. The signs of her being terrified were:
a. When I was getting my permit she looked as if she was going to fall apart due to fear and she asked me if I was sure I didn't want to wait until I was sixteen and a half to get my permit.
b. She repeadetly tells me that "it is not a race." When I told her that I was driving very slowly she told me that she meant my attitude was not a race. (Doctor, if you could explain to me what my attitude being a race is that would be excellent because I honestly have no clue what it means.
c. She constantly refers to "A professional" teaching me how to drive. Her favorite words clearly are "professional," "lesson," and "Lack of freedom." (I added the last part myself).
I'm sorry for the abnormally long post, but apparently time flies while you're blowing off steam, but I would love to have a response on what the heck I can do in this kind of a situation. She seems to get worse and worse and worse everyday I get older and my friends tell me that when I got to college I am going to explode and it is not good, so I would like to prevent that. Thanks in advance.
Hello from a mom
I just thought I would write to you because when I read your post I thought "oh, I could see myself behaving like that", like your mom. I have one daughter who is 13 and Iknow that my first reaction is to want to say no to anything that is remotely dangerous...like crossing the street, lol! Honestly, I dread her learning to drive too. I have to work very hard to try to act like the other mothers and let her do things that are normal for her to want to do. LIke you, my daughter is pretty understanding of my anxiety. Maybe because we are "girls"we talk about it more. If your mom could articulate it she might say what I know is true for me. Partly it has to do with:
1. your being an only child- you are the most important thing in your mom's world
2. she is single which means that if anything happens to you somehow it is her fault because she's responsible for your safety...this isn't rational, but it's the feeling.
3. the world is in a terrible state...just picking up the newspaper can get you worrrying about all the things that "could happen...." again, irrational.
Well, this all said, I am sorry to be rambling. I think a therapist might help your mom put things in perspective. My daughter and I have a great social worker who we see once in a while. She is great for helping me figure out what is reasonable because I know that she wants to help me be a good parent and that means allowing my daughter some freedom to make choices and some mistakes too.
Maybe a guidance couselor could help you. Before you go running up to your mom saying "you need a shrink, everyone says so.." you could try to think of a nice way to say "I know you love me mom and I know you want the best for me. But you seem stressed out and I"m worried about you. Could we talk to someone?' If she says "I'm fine" you couls say "yes,but I'm stressed out so could you do this for me"...it doesn't matter if your mom thinks you are going to see some one for you because once she's there, the therapist will see that she is very anxious and try to help her.
Well good luck. Keep us posted. If my daughter ever saw me writing this she would die of embarrassment.