14 y/o & 19 y/o continued
Well, Dr. Bradley, I just want to update you on the situation between my daughter and the 19 year old next door. I am still going crazy!
I have dealt with 5 more days of my daughter hanging out in the front yard every minute possible with this 19 y/o guy. He has been home every day almost all day. I find myself looking for any possible reason to make my daughter come in and/or go somewhere.
I've given up on keeping my daughter and this guy completely apart. They just spent 5 days talking to each other when I wouldn't even allow them to be in the same yard together. I have had to deal with my daughter breaking the screen in her bedroom window in order to sit in this 2nd story window and talk to this guy. When I call my daughter in for the night, I've heard her talking in her room. I went in to see who she was talking to the other night. The 19 y/o was standing outside of her window talking to her at 11 p.m.!
And so I've tried to come up with some sort of compromise here. I've let them visit in the same yard, but I've informed my daughter that there will be absolutely no touching (tickling, cuddling, holding hands, etc.) They are happy about this, but I'm still going crazy watching them. They were both lying down a little too cozily on a blanket on the front lawn the other night. I had to tell my daughter that that was NOT OK.
And then my mom comes over yesterday and is extremely upset because I let this 19 year old into my yard with my daughter. I know she thinks that I'm terrible. I was instantly fuming mad with her because once again she was criticizing my parenting methods.
Anyway I am still at a loss with this. If it were something I dealt with just once in awhile or even just an hour or 2 a day, it wouldn't be so bad. But I've dealt with it for 5 whole days! And of course it doesn't help to have this guys mom out there talking to my daughter again. She's the one who was educating my daughter on how to become a legally emancipated minor at 15 years of age!
Should I just move?!!
I'd probably move (out of frustration), but that would not likely solve the problem. It would just relocate it. I think that your present course is a good one, giving some safe access to allow enough contact to avoid making a hero out of "Mr. Wonderful" (by forbidding all contact) while you await the inevitable burning out of this relationship. I do, however, worry about your daughter's apparent obsessions with boys. If she's not in counseling, please get her there ASAP. She needs to sort this stuff out before the real trouble hits.
Dr. Mike Bradley