18 and undirected

[lmomg]

Just got back from the grocery store and ran into 4 friends whose sons are heading off to college. They were classmates and friends of my son's in earlier years. They are all passionate about what they want to study and most have received scholarships.

My son is academically gifted but graduated near the bottom of his class mostly due to a combination of lack of discipline, being bored and unmotivated. In his words, " I don't have to prove my intelligence with grades." Yikes.
My son has a part time job at a grocery store, was looking into going to jr. college this fall, but will not turn in any of the paperwork.
My question is how to help him. He is getting counseling, but she says he is not depressed nor does he have anything that needs treating, other than talk.
I find myself reminding him that classes are filling up and he is "forgetting" to sign up.
I know I am making him signing up for college "all about me"....
I am trying my hardest not to appear disappointed in him, but what parent would be thrilled with the slacker lifestyle....
Please knock some sense into me.
My fear is that if he doesn't continue in school, he never will. How often does this happen.......
At 18, I should let him live his own life, but he acts helpless to do anything productive.
thanks

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
I'll have to defer to your counselor here. She likely has the best picture of what's going on, one that may align with what you told us before.
As I recall you had earlier described your son as immature. If that's the case then you are best advised to wait out his development with a few conditions. At 18 he must be working full time (or 2 part time jobs totaling at least 40 hours) and contributing to his household. Working those kinds of jobs can make school seem much more relevant.
Also, double check on the possible anxiety issue. Be sure this is not holding him back from new challenges. Boys in particular are great at concealing anxiety problems, particularly from female therapists who may not recognize the act as easily (us boys are not allowed to be scared of stuff).
The only other condition I'd add for room and board is that he also be involved in some "growth" activity where he chases some higher level passion or cause in the company of others. Volunteering (i.e. tutoring, mentoring, helping) or studying some subject other than video games might help him mature a tad more quickly.