Boyfriend just got out of jail!

[Sue Talafus]

My 16 year old daughter likes a 17 year old boy that has just come home from a juvenile detention center back East. He was caught with a knife and selling soma at school. She knew him from school before he got himself in trouble. I know they will not marry, I know I should not forbid her from seeing him (or should I?) My husband and I need guidance on how to get through this (hopefully short lived) relationship. Thank you

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Sue,
First, you need to gather lots of information in order to decide how to proceed here. Was this a one-time "crazy" act by an otherwise nice boy? How is he doing now? What kind of supports does he have (such as a good family, being in treatment, and so on)? How reliable is your daughter's judgment? Is she doing well or is this another step along a problem path for her?
Next, I'd suggest that Mom, Dad, and daughter talk all of this out with a counselor who can serve as a mediator/advisor to help you with this difficult and potentially dangerous call. You are wise to not simply forbid any contact or you risk a runaway.
Under any circumstances the best I'd be inclined to offer to your daughter is that her boyfriend is welcome at your home for semi-supervised visits, but that, for now, alone dates are on hold until you get to know this kid better.
Keep us posted.