Daughter having sex with so-called best friend
My 17 year old daughter is having casual sex with her so called "best"friend. The problem is that he appears to be only using her, as he will not go out with her and says he sort of likes her. If they are at the same party, or any social event, he rarely even acknowledges her. He has told everyone at school about the sex. My daughter is desperate to think that it means something to him and says that I am being mean by telling her that he is using her. We are fighting over this, and I have taken the view that he will not be sleeping over at our house anymore. I am hoping that if it becomes difficult for him to have access to her, he will move on. She appears sad and I think that she does not want to acknowledge to herself that he is not treating her properly. I believe she must have self esteem issues. I want to help her but I tend to get emotional and say things I shouldn't. I would like some guidance on the best way to handle this issue as it is upsetting us both a lot.
This is one of those rare situations where you must take control of your kid, and quickly. She is showing you that she is in denial, confusion, and pain over her actions, and can't resolve this herself. She will hate you for forbidding unsupervised contact with him, but I'd bet that part of her will be relieved. In time, she will come to know that your actions are out of love. If you let this continue, she is headed for a terrible and risky crash.
Stay calm and loving as you impose the restrictions. Accept her anger at you, saying that you would hate you too, but that you love her too much to let her get hurt anymore. Keep apologizing, but saying that there are some things that you simply cannot accept because they will hurt her badly.
If she threatens to runaway, tell her that would make you sad and scared, but that it would not ever change your mind. Remain firm on this. Suggest seeing a counselor together to mediate this.
Hang in there, and keep us posted.
PS: Co-ed sleepovers are all the rage now, and as you've seen they are NOT safe things, despite what kids tell you.
Dr. Mike Bradley