14 year old and sex

[wik721]

My fourteen year old son began seeing a girl 3 months ago. At first we were hesitant about dating at such a young age but he has always been responsible and never given us much trouble so we allowed it(knowing that we probably couldn't stop it anyway). Two times a week he is allowed to go over to her house with the understanding that there must be a parent home to supervise. He has assured us that this is the case. Recently he has been pushing for more time at her house. He has become sullen and withdrawn from us. Recently I was putting some clothes away in his room and came across a notebook that was open which he had been writing in(it was laying open on his bed) and unfortunately I read the page it was open to. I realize I've betrayed his trust by reading this and I am feeling very guilty about it. In his writings though he talks about prforming oral sex and receiving hand jobs from this girl. I am concerned that he is becoming sexually active faster than he can emotionally handle it. I'm not sure how I should approach him about this. Do I tell him what I read and attempt to have a discussion with him? Should I keep quiet about reading his journal and continue to talk to him about sex and values etc. and hope for the best. I'm also worried about him spending time at this girl's house if there is no adult supervision.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Wik,
First, tell your son exactly what happened and apologize for violating his privacy. Tell him that you had no right to read that journal, and that he should please keep personal writings like that put away or in a locked diary, that it's too hard for you to see an open journal and not peek at it, although you'll try better if it happens again. Do this to keep his trust by being painfully honest, and to keep his respect by admitting when you mess up.
If he gets mad, tell him that he has a right to be angry. SAY NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU READ---yet.

When things are calmer, then go back and say that the two of you do need to discuss what is happening with his girlfriend. Let him do most of the talking. Base your response upon his. If he seems to have "learned a lesson" and seems more responsible, then perhaps do nothing. If he insists that his behavior is OK, calmly explain that he is playing with fire, and a pregnancy may well explode onto the scene. Further, let him know that 14 is just too young to be handling the emotional aspects of sex. If he seems dug in, tell him that you must reluctantly pull in his freedom a bit to protect everyone, and that unsupervised time with his girl is no longer an option for awhile.

Good luck and please let us all know how this turns out. This is a tough issue that most parents are struggling with today.
Mike Bradley